A Second Kind of Cursing
This one is a bit surprising for me to write.
I’m not a big curser, or at least not anymore. I remember in high school, when I moved from a farm into what I considered to be a huge city high school, that I ended up cursing up a storm there, mostly, in retrospect, because I thought at the time that city-kids probably cursed a lot so I figured that was what I was supposed to do too.
So, when I started cursing recently, multiple times over the last couple of weeks, I was perplexed, upset by it, and got to thinking about cursing. A few years ago, my younger brother, who was then in the Army, and I had a discussion about “respecting the F*ck”—the pivotal thesis being that cursing had its place as an expression of extreme emotion (somehow, saying “That REALLY hurt!” when you’ve just hammered your finger just didn’t seem to do the experience justice), but that overusing it served only to reduce or dilute the effectiveness of it, as well as label you as a person who isn’t coping very well with life such that you believe that you’re having extreme emotions every day.
So why was I cursing recently!?
The last couple of weeks have been difficult for me emotionally. Lots of stuff going on. But, again, why was I cursing?
I’ve always thought of people cursing when they had blown their top. When they were dangerous and angry. When they were aggressive. When they were scary.
Yet, that’s not how I felt. I wasn’t getting aggressive at all. In fact, it was more in a sense of despair that I swore. More of a “Why did I left this happen; why did I put myself in this situation yet again” sense. Not an attack outward, but an inward despair, and disappointment.
I felt sad for me.
And that seems like a different kind of cursing.
I guess my current take away from this is thus1: cursing, for me, is an indicator, a reminder, a red-flag, that I am in a situation that I need to change, that I am engaged in a curse-worthy behavior that I desire to change, that I would be happier if I focus on resolving the underlying issue so that I can be happier.
1 I’m not sure this is the right use of ‘thus’